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Monday, September 8, 2014

I'm back again

I had a hysterectomy on May 7th. The Wednesday before Mother's Day. It took me a long time to accept that that's what I needed to do. But I have done it. The procedure itself took somewhere around 4.5 hours. I woke up in my room groggy, but not in pain... Just uncomfortable. I had tiny wounds, including one in my belly button and I was light one uterus and two tubes. My parents,and husband were all there when I went in and when I came out. I was only in the hospital for one day and was put on injectable blood thinners for two weeks.i got a few calls and cards from friends and family the first week or so. I started back at work part-time on May 28th and was back full-time by June 9th. Physically, I'm feeling great. No pain to speak of after week 2. I was completely released by my doctor at week 12. It is stunning how significantly my pain was affecting me - preventing me from participating in various parts of my life; keeping me on constant guard, wondering when the pain might strike. Emotionally, I've felt pretty well, too, for the most part. I think it's catching up with me. My nephew has gotten into trouble again. The whole family has been turned upside down. But, I don't believe that this type of thing, regardless of severity or difficulty excuses people's insensitive, cruel comments. Case in point: telling me I am lucky to have never had children or that I should be happy I never had the is NOT ok. It's cruel, it's rude and it's hurtful. And even if you believe it to be true, it is my belief that if you care about someone... Or even if you don't, you should do what you can to keep from hurting them. This is just not the case in my world. In the 11 years I have been married and been a step parent, neither my mother nor my sister ever acknowledged me on mother's day until my hysterectomy. Moreover, whenever things have gone badly with my nephew, I have been told in various ways how I should be glad I didn't have children. That my sister was suffering so. No one seems to consider my own suffering. That it too is not something that I can fix or change. That there is no end to my situation. My suffering is just as real. But it seems I'm the only one who understands that. I guess I have more emotional work to do.