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Friday, April 25, 2014


Why do people feel compelled, when it comes up that I'm childless and having a hysterectomy, to tell me "you can always adopt!" And when I say I can't or I'm too old or whatever they always say something like oh ...sure you can, you're not too old.... You know, I think that from now on, instead of replying at all, I'm just going to say nothing. Not... one... word!!!!


  1. Gosh- just experienced deja vu when reading your post today.

    Amazing how folks could make suggestions when they hear of something that is to be taken away, "Oh you can adopt" "oh, you can get a glass eye!" "you can get a cochlear implant!"- it's all medical perceptive in fixing something, never mind... it is not about THEM- it's about you on where you are, on your journey.
    In my situation, when was suggested to adopt, I always went, "OH SURE!! Let's grab a chair- let me show you something", having links to costs of adoption ready on hand-, the restrictions, (esp at age of woman, singlehood and deafness) and looking at them face-to-face, leaning toward, "and you still think I can afford that on my salary, really?" Most learned quickly.
    So I totally hear you...

  2. I just found your blog and want to say thank you...and that I understand. As a never-married woman in her 40s who always wanted children but didn't want to (and couldn't afford to) do it alone, I feel left out of the many conversations about motherhood.

  3. Hello,
    I am a psychologist and a blogger ( I am currently conducting a survey of bloggers who post about pregnancy, fertility, adoption, pregnancy loss, and parenting. I would like to extend an invitation for you to complete the brief survey found here:
    (I am very sorry to leave this in a comment like a spammer!)
    Thank you so much!
    Dr. Grumbles

  4. I think people don't understand that adoption is something that doesn't come easy. Over the weekend, when someone asked why I dont have kids, I told them why but not all the details (that I was 29 and diagnosed with uterine cancer), they boldly told me " you can always adopt!" I had to explain how this was not the most realistic thing as it come with a high price tag and because it is were I wanted to adopt, it would not be because I desperately wanted a child, but wanted to give a child a loving home. There is a big difference there. I wish people would not suggest that or at least understand the emotional pain that can come with the entire process.

  5. Thank you all for your comments. I apologize for the delay in replying to you. I can't wait until someone makes this kind of comment now so I can tell them... "Really? I can? Without a uterus?"