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Sunday, November 3, 2013

How things change

When DH and I were dating, we spent many weekends at the county home of our dear friend, about 45 minutes from where we live. We got engaged there, too. There were frequent shindigs, stomping through the woods with out friends, watching meteor showers and enjoying all manner of delicious food and adult beverages. After our friend and his then girlfriend split and he got together with a single mom, the dynamic in this little Shangri-la changed dramatically. No longer was it just adult couples and singles whooping it up. Instead there were childrens' prying eyes that needed to be shielded from the debauchery. Then there were friends of that child, now it's families with their children, ranging from infants to teens. I miss the old days. Every year, near the country home there is a fair that takes place "in town," a few miles away. Every year our friend invites friends to come by, have some oysters, chili, cornbread, and other deliciousness... including drinks and a bonfire, and often culminating in a haunted hayride on dirt roads and over the old wooden "troll" bridge. This year was no different and people were invited to stop by. But this year, much like the last several,was a completely different affair. My, how things change. We arrived early to help, as we often do. The next people to arrive were a young couple with a one year old. Cue change in conversation... "uh oh, dirty paci... I found a mom group... yeah we are always busy with this guy... oh how cute..." Blah, blah, blah... baby, baby, baby.... Gag! After that came some other couples, one with two young girls... maybe three and five years old. That did it, I walked into the kitchen and couldn't take it.. "when mine was that age"... "it's been so long since I had a little one like that"... "who's the dirtiest boy!?!". I walked out to the porch to watch the game... there was only more child related conversation. And the tears came. Ms. Mommy came back outside and I went back in. DH took one look... "you ok?" What I was screaming on the inside was "OK!? Everybody here is going on and on about their kids and I'm facing a hysterectomy! How in the pluperfect hell could I be ok?!" But all I said was, "No." We piddled around a bit longer, then bowed out and headed home. I hate that I get so sad and angry at others' good fortune, but I do. It should have been me. I wish it had. But it wasn't and it never will be.