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Sunday, October 6, 2013

Time to accept the inevitable

Well, I finally had my appointment with the endo/fibroids specialist. Hubby came with. Surprisingly, it had been nearly a year since I first saw him. We discussed all the options... Mirena, Depo shots, Lupron, another laparoscopy... but ultimately, it came down to this: all of those things are just bandaids, temporary fixes, if the help at all... or postponement of the inevitable... a hysterectomy. We also had a lengthy discussion about whether or not to keep the ovaries, given my family history of breast cancer. But I monitor that issue pretty well. Most of the problem seems to be coming from the uterus anyway. I also told him about the heavy bleeding and the incredibly low ferritin levels. He asked if I had ever had an endometrial biopsy, and when I told him no, he was surprised and said I needed to have one. Since I had already taken the day off and was there, I figured why not get it over with. He warned me several times that it would be very painful. It was. But when I told him that it was actually no more painful than what I deal with 1-3 days a month, he seemed shocked. "That bad?" he asked? Yes, sadly, I told him. To which he replied, "that is sad." Yeah, it pretty much sucks. I kept that part to myself. It was a kind of validation that I'm not just a wimp with a low threshold for pain and that I AM dealing with severe pain. So now I wait for those results while I thing about when to have the surgery I need. I have steeled myself over the last year for this inevitability. So now, it's just a matter of scheduling. {{sigh}}

4 comments:

  1. I am sorry it's come to that. :( I hope it brings you some relief. (((hugs)))

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    1. Hi loribeth! Thanks!!! I hope so too. At this point it's a quality of life issue!

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  2. Hi,

    I have just been through this. I have/had severe endometriosis with large endometriomas in both ovaries - stuck together and to the back of my womb. Following a second laparoscopy in May, I was told that there was no hope of children as my pelvic organs were completely "plastered" together and "set like concrete".

    I was told to consider quality of life and opted for having a mirena IUS fitted and Provera tablets to control the pain and daily bleeding as Prostap (Lupron) had not worked for me.. 2 days after the fitting I fell ill and long story short the mirena had perforated my womb and lodged in one of my ovarian cysts causing a huge and worsening infection, and taking me to the end of road with my options.I had to have an emergency hysterectomy with tubes and ovaries removed.

    I have healed physically, but I am devastated. I don't know how to move forward. I have no peers. When women are discussing the daily trials of life with their children I have nothing to offer. I don't know anyone else of childbearing age in my position. Women are talking about teething and what little so and so did, while I have hot flushes, night sweats, insomnia and joint ache. When they discuss period pains and birth control I am dealing with HRT and products for vaginal dryness. I had crippling periods, and I would never have believed it if anyone had told me I would miss them. I miss being part of normal womanhood.

    I find myself buying more feminine clothes than ever before, because I feel sexless and neutered and lack an identity. I work hard not to be bitter around women with families as it is no more their fault that I am infertile and now wombless than it is mine.

    When people ask how I'm doing I pretend that it's fine. I find the whole thing makes other women uncomfortable. My friends with children are drawing away from me. I pretend I am interested in sex for my partner. I pretend to find meaning in work and accept the label of "career woman" as it helps to avoid having to deal with pitying glances.

    I don't know when this will feel better, but will just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    I hope you have all the support you need through this time.

    Take care,

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  3. Thanks for your post. I'm sorry for your struggle!
    Thankfully, the biopsy results were negative. However, I JUST started a new job, so I will had to put surgery off until a reasonable time has passed. I can't exactly tell them in my first month that I need a month off!!! But I'll get there... and in the meantime I'll just have to manage the pain.

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