Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Reality sets in
I have been painfully aware, for several years, that I would never have children of my own. That is my reality... one I have no choice but accept. But now that the scheduling of a hysterectomy is looming in my not so distant future, that reality, and what it means, is hitting me pretty hard. In fact, I found myself warning hubby that I may fall apart before it was all over. I will NEVER HAVE CHILDREN....NEVER!!! The closest thing I will ever have is SS21, my surrogate kid, and my 4 legged kids. Never is a long time. It's not that anything has changed, really. It's not that there was a possibility, but it is a different feeling ...a different kind of mourning. I find myself longing to talk to my great aunt about her similar journey... wishing she would reach out to me from beyond the grave and tell me she understood, she'd been there and it would be ok. But she's not here. So I have to figure out a way to stay strong and brave and work through my pain, as this harsh reality sets in.