Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Why do I go there?
So last night, DH and I are on the couch, his feet in my lap. I said told him he had such nice feet... and of course mine are adorable... then, I went to a place I have no business going: "Our kids would have beautiful feet!" WTF!?!? Why in the world would I go there?! I know very well that we will never have a child! I know that he would not acquiesce, even if we were able. So why does my mind go there? Truth be told, it goes there more often than I care to admit. Hearing people talk about their children and grandchildren or watching TV, I often find myself thinking... Mary Grace ******... that would be a great name if we had a girl. Or Cooper... if we had a boy! It's almost as though my mind wants to torture my heart. Is it just my mommy instinct? Is it just my sick mind holding onto a dream it knows will never come true? I don't know. I don't guess the reason really matters all that much. I just wish I could stop myself.