Friday, November 30, 2012
Last week I went to see a specialist about my endo. He was very kind and thorough, spending about an hour and a half with me. He was of the opinion that Lupron is a really "big gun" and that we should try something less drastic first. So he put me on continuous bcp... no placebo pills. Oh the irony! I wish I could have a child and I'm on birth control. Not that not being on it would change anything. But still. I also started seeing a new counselor today. So hard to establish a new relationship like that. But she seemed nice and I hope it will work out with her. Lots to hope for, but I'm reluctant to be too hopeful about anything.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
I was just thinking to myself the other day how proud I was that I was handling the whole childless thing so well. No outbursts, no uncontrollable tears in quite some time. I have been dealing with my endo issues, went to see a specialists, and didn't fall apart when he asked if I were done trying to conceive. I only cringed slightly at the "let's get all the cousins together for a picture" happenings over Thanksgiving. Then I sat down to watch TV last night. Mike and Molly is a sitcom about an overweight couple who fall in love and live with her mother and sister. It's a funny show. But now that the two title characters have gotten married, the story line has naturally turned to them wanting children and trying to get get pregnant. Last night was ONLY about them TTC and Mike's going overboard trying to make it happen. Eventually Molly got annoyed with it all and was complaining about the planned love-making and her perceived loss of romance. And I was fine until that moment. THEN, her sister said something that sent me spinning... "what's more romantic than the man you love trying to give you what he knows you want?" OUCH! Can you say hit a nerve!?! The tears came and have stopped and started intermittently since. But it hurt because it's true. What IS more romantic? I certainly can't think of anything. Sadly, that is a kind of romance I will never have the joy of knowing.