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Monday, August 6, 2012

Would it have made a difference?

My parents had one grandchild... my nephew.  They hung all of their hopes on him. He broke their hearts. He got into some things he shouldn't have... he should have known better. He has made his bad decisions, apparently with no consideration whatsoever of how they would affect those who love him. He has all but abandoned the family that gave him everything and has squandered more opportunities in his 21 years than most people ever even get in a lifetime. It makes me wonder if all of this would have been easier on my parents had they had other grandchildren? If I had given them other outlets for their love and generosity, would this pain have stung just a little bit less? I guess, we'll never know. In some ways I feel guilty about it.

Part of me is sad that they didn't have other grandchildren. Part of me is thankful they (and all of us) didn't have more opportunites for disappointment. You never know how people are going to turn out, despite all your best efforts. I suppose the same could be said for life in general--- there are no guarantees of anything. Deep thoughts for a rainy Monday morning.


  1. Very deep thoughts. I think it's fine that you feel sad for your parents. That's natural. But I do think it's sad that "they hung all their hopes on him." That they would do that with anyone.

    I often think of my Great-Aunt and Uncle. They had three sons, all of them achievers in life. I guess they were proud of their sons. Yet their sons were never there - they all lived so far away, so intent on doing their own thing. My GA and GU never spent much time with their grandchildren. My in-laws likewise have several grand-children, and they all live overseas, and they see them only every few years, if that.

    So you certainly shouldn't feel guilty. You're absolutely right - you never know how people are going to turn out, whether they're going to be part of your life, or live on the other side of the world and ignore you.

  2. Very deep indeed! Too deep for a rainy Monday morning.

    It is sad that they put all their hopes on him and more sad they way he's taken advantage of their good intentions. And no, we don't know how kids will turn out, whether they will have anything to do with us, or end up just being takers. People move, people die, people have their own lives.

    But, while logically I know I shouldn't feel guilty, part of me still does. It makes me sad that I didn't give them another opportunity to dote, especially since I know I would have been a good mother and not relied on them to do the brunt of the rearing.