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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Tears

Mali wrote a great post about crying... how difficult it can be to close the flood gates.
Oh dear! Yes. The tears sometimes seem to take on a life of their own. And just when you think you may have a handle on the rogue emotional outbursts, here comes another one.  This is exactly what prompted my New Year's resolution: Waterproof Mascara... every time.  Now, I have on occasion fallen off the wagon, as we are want to do with any resolution, but I have, for the most part, kept to it.  There is nothing like having an emotional breakdown, falling to pieces and tears, and later finding that you spent the remainder of the day with a black smudge on your face! Funny, no one ever seems to let you know about that one.  Curiously, since making the resolution, the outbursts have not been so frequent. But, they do still come... damn them! And, oddly, they can come because of the most seemingly innocuous situations. Perhaps it's just my age... 43 now. Perhaps it has something to do with knowing that I really won't ever have children... it's just too late, regardless of whether or not I got buy-in from DH. Perhaps it has to do with the frustration I have in having excruciating pain that comes from parts and bits I don't get to use. I don't really know why. In some ways it's like a big ol' steaming pot of emotional soup... you never know exactly what's going to surface when you stir it all up. Inevitably, though, there are tears... big and hot, running down my face, staining my blouse. But resolution or no, I'm not sure that I will ever really be able to turn that faucet off.

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