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Monday, June 25, 2012

My surrogate kid

I have been told by lots and lots of people that I should put my "mothering" energy into something productive. Maybe into my art, volunteering for a charity, orphans, something. Well, this weekend, I got to do just that.  There is a young woman who is very close with my husband's family. She had every reason to go down a less than desirable path: drug addict mother-deceased from an overdose. missing father, drug addict sister. Instead she homeschooled herself and got her GED. She's clean, smart, responsible and loving. She works full time and has gotten full legal custody of her 12 year old niece. She's saving money to go to college to become a teacher.  At 21 years of age, she is an inspiration. And on "the day that shall remain nameless" she sent me a text to say thanks for being there for her. She was the only one. I boo hoo cried. But now, I have resigned myself that this is my kid. Not my child, but my kid...if that makes any sense. I have always told her that she only need ask if she's running a little short on cash, or needs any help. She always feels bad about doing that. But this weekend, she came to visit. She was running a little short on gas money and reluctantly asked, promising that she would pay me back.  This was my response:

"I don't have any yunguns of my own. Helping you makes me feel good. I wouldn't   ask my blood kid to pay me back... so I won't ask you either. But if you must, I'll just set it aside in case you need it later. You can take care of me when I'm old and in diapers. That's how it works... parents take care of kids, then kids take care of parents. It's just your turn."

It's nice to feel needed... to have someone to spoil and feel proud of. Even though she didn't come out of me, she is a huge part of me. I'm thankful for that.


  1. That's really lovely (especially the text on the "nameless" day). I'm glad you have that relationship with someone, and glad too that she has someone who is there for her.

    I don't have anyone in my life that close, and it makes me a little sad.

  2. Thanks... I thought it was a lovely gesture! And I understand where you're coming from with regard to not having anyone that close, Mali. It's hard to find someplace to put all that energy. I've really had to seek this out. I mean, people have their own lives, and it's scary putting yourself out there. I had done so with my nephew and my SS, but didn't get any real positive response. But I figured she was worth the effort, and, frankly, so am I. Fortunately, it has worked out. Nevertheless, it's not a substitute for having one of my very own. More like a diversion on the childless path.