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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Blah...

Today, I am in a funk. I'm mildly crampy, slightly annoyed and sad. I continue to have pain from bits I don't even get to use (although, truthfully, the pain is marginally better lately). Father's day is around the corner.

So, obviously, I'm not a dad. But, somehow this year is grating on me, much like getting sand in your eye. I'm a step mom. DH addresses me as "Mom" when talking to SS19. But I didn't rank so much as a card, text or FB note for "the day that shall remain nameless." HOWEVER, I know that his Step dad, his mother's current spouse, will get a Happy F day. Now, SD has been in SS's life longer, certainly. But, truthfully, I don't care. It seems like everyone else gets to be in the club... but not me. Hell, even the card DH gave me was from the pets, and didn't even mention SS19.

Why do I let this get under my skin so? I'm equally annoyed at the situation AND the fact that it annoys me! Can I say neurotic?! Geesh... I just wish things were different. And I wish I didn't care so much.

2 comments:

  1. Well, you're allowed to be in a funk. And I can totally relate to being annoyed at pain etc from bits we don't get to use. I'm so over it now (in my late 40s).

    Have you ever told DH how this hurts you? Perhaps do it sometime when F day and The Day That Shall Not be Named are past. I think men are notoriously bad at not figuring out what upsets us, or why it upsets us, and we have to spell it out to them.

    And I think the fact you care is because you care - you care about SS19, you care about this family, and you feel that they don't care about you when you feel you're left out on days like this.

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  2. Thanks Mali! I'm still in my early 40s, so it's still a bit difficult for me. I can't wait to get to a place where I'm "over it."

    I have told DH. Sometimes it seems like he gets it, others it's like he has no idea! He can't help it, though... he's a boy! One of these days, I'll have to give him a gentle reminder.

    And you're right... I do care. Perhaps too much. About my wayward nephew and my SS19. And feeling left out is a real bummer. But, honestly, it's not like it's anything new. I have to concentrate on changing my expectations. As T.D. Jakes said, "If you expect someone to love you on a gallon level and they are pint people, you will continue to be disappointed." People are only capable of giving as much as they have. I shouldn't expect anything more. Family, friends, or whatever!

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