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Thursday, May 10, 2012

The Second Sunday in May

As that "day that shall remain un-named" quickly approaches, those of us who are childless, not by choice, are bombarded by the advertisements, sales, comments, conversations, and other various cruelties, which only serve to remind us that we are outsiders. We are forced to smile and wish others a "happy day," and to maneuver our way through the gauntlet of emotional blows and stabs by those around us, who are for the most part oblivious to our suffering. I have no words to ease that suffering. I have no wisdom to heal the pain. I only have the understanding of what you endure, because I endure it, too. I feel the burn of tears as I fight them back, and the lump in my stomach when the proverbial happy family strolls by, completely unaware that someone like us longs for the very thing they take for granted. I know too well the anger that I have been denied this most basic of desires. I know. I get it. I'm sorry if you do, too.

6 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for eloquently stating what I am currently feeling and thinking. I am so glad to know there are others like me. I have been dreading this day. I've tried to think of ways to escape ... I may go to the movies ... or get a pedicure ... something to take my mind off of it. How about this ... I will also treat myself to a coffee or glass of wine a raise a toast to my sisters who are not less! God bless you!

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  2. Thanks Lisa! I tend to avoid any going out in public, lest someone wish me a happy M day and I'm forced to rip their heads slap OFF! But that's just me... I will wallow in self-pity today and treat myself to a pedicure next week.

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  3. It isn't " self pity " imho. It is a fact of life....our lives.

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  4. Oh, yes! Indeed it is a fact of our lives. But today, I'm going to allow myself to just feel sorry for myself. Not the healthiest way to go, but still. I will throw myself a pity party, and wait for the day to wash away with the afternoon rain. I will get no card or other M-day wish from my SS19 (who my loving, wonderful DH refers to as OURs...yeah right!). I will snuggle with my fur babies and know that they know how much I love them. I know that I would have been a good mom to a human child too. And I mourn that I was never given the chance.

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  5. New follower, just had to reply. I did a lot of pretending. I've only told a couple of people of my situation, and only the love of my life knows how much it hurts. So I pretended to just enjoy the day. Made dinner for my own mom, sent out well-wishes to the other moms in my life. But inside, I wanted to hole up somewhere and hide from it all. I never hated the day, until this one, since the news just came to me recently. Now, I despise mother's day. I will always remember my own mom on this holiday, but I will always die a little inside.

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  6. Thanks you jumping in and giving your thoughts and perspective, LaG19. Oh, aren't we masters at pretending. Pretending it doesn't hurt, pretending we don't feel left out, pretending that our well-wishes, while heart-felt, aren't dripping with jealousy. Protecting everyone else from having to feel badly or uncomfortable because of our sorrow. Selflessly acting like it's all ok, when we feel like we're being torn apart inside. Ironically, it all sounds very much like the things a good mom would do to protect her children. But I guess that's not too far from the reality.... Because in our hearts we are mothers, we just don't have those children to love and protect.

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