Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Progress on all fronts!
OK. Endo is said to be caused in part by estrogen dominance. So after several months of excruciating pain I went to my GYN and said "Do something. I can't take this shit any more." After discussions of meds, surgery and pelvic floor rehab, we decided to try Progesterone pills to try to balance out the hormone soup. I don't want to jinx things, but so far, so good. Relatively minimal pain... tolerable. Knock on wood! Woo! Meanwhile, I am trying very hard to accept the reality that I will never have children. It's my karma, for whatever reason, not to be a mother. Having them will not in itself make me happy and make my life full of hearts and flowers. I am working to fill my need to nurture through helping others; to welcome the discomfort/sadness and realize that they are my ego stomping its feet because it hasn't gotten its way; to cherish the things I do have; to analyze it all; to be brave in the face of the disappointment; to KNOW (not think) that this does not define me and will not beat me down. Deep, difficult shit. I will get through it. I will make a difference. I will not let my attachment to parenthood beat me down. I am stronger than my emotions. I HAVE to be! Much love and many, many thanks go to Venerable Robina Courtin!