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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Sometimes life just kicks you in the gut

And it's usually when you least expect it.

My fil is in the hospital in critical condition. Going with dh to visit would natuarally be difficult, given the circumstances. I had no idea I'd get the wind knocked out of me the way I did. His 3 surviving children and their children all came to his side. Conversations about hospital stays inevitably came around to childbirth. By the time we were on the road home, I had had more than enough and I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

I will have no children or grandchildren to visit me when I'm ill or to make sure that I am cared for when I can't care for myself. My parents will be gone and I'd really prefer not to be harrassed by my sister. My nephew is not part of my life and, because of his actions, I prefer it that way... Though I wish that weren't the case. My ss will not be concerned with me after his dad is gone.... he's barely concerned with me at all now... Even when he's living in my home.

Unfortunately, I have no choice in the matter. I will ultimately be alone. But I suppose we all are, to some degree. It just would have been nice to have someone who gives a shit.

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