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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Family and "family"

My parents are showing their age. They recently sold my childhood home and are clearing out the boxes of memories, one by one. My father has been battling pneumonia and is incredibly thin and frail. It makes me dread the inevitable future. I have one sister, but in name only. The cold, hard truth is that, the day my parents are gone, we will have nothing at all tying us together. It's a bitter sweet situation. I don't get along with her at all... but I wish I had siblings I could lean on when I needed to, trust with my worries and secrets, whose children I could leave my earthly belongings. None of those is part of my reality... my sister has one adult child who has estranged himself from the family who took care of him. He will receive nothing from me. So, my blood family will all but die with the death of my parents. Of course I have my beautiful husband's family, but somehow it's just not the same. I feel incredibly ashamed and selfish that I even feel this way, but what about me? I'll have no legacy to leave. No family history to pass on to future generations; as if my footprints will be blown away by the winds of time.

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