Search This Blog

Friday, October 15, 2010

I sometimes wonder if, when I'm gone, anyone will give a damn that I ever existed. With no one left behind who belonged to me, came from me... no one who'll care about those little things I cherished. Will I have mattered at all?
Funny... just looked at my title of "childless does not mean less" -- it sure feels like it though. Who am I trying to convince? Hmmm.

4 comments:

  1. Good morning! I've felt the same way at times. I just wrote my will, leaving almost everything to the university where I earned my degree. I feel sad at times when I hear people talk about leaving such and such to their daughter and I wonder what will happen to my things. But the reality is that so many people die and then their kids call in someone to haul it all away. Check out my website for my book, http://completewithoutkids.com
    Ellen

    ReplyDelete
  2. When my aunt passed away in December, my brother tried to console my mother by showing her the family tree he was working on and pointed out my aunt's branch with all of her children, grandchildren, greatgrandchildren, in essence, her legacy and perhaps her earthly immortality. I think he succeeded somewhat in helping my mom, but his efforts felt like a kick in the gut to me at the time. I had no legacy, no earthly immortality... Shortly after I traveled to spend time with my family overseas and did some genaological research looking through baptismal records for my brother. I found the names of my great, great, great grandparents. And you know what? I owe them my life and I obviously have a biological connection to them, but obviously no emotional connection. I didn't know them, I don't love them, I didn't even know their names. I think that when we pass, we will be mourned by those whose hearts we touched and are still alive to remember us, but it is the same with all people. I don't feel any connection to my great grandparents, who I did not know, or might have met for only a short time in infancy or early childhood. Sadly, one of my biggest regrets is not having been the grandchild I wish I could have been for my grandparents. But I deeply mourned the death of my childless aunt, and she lives on in my heart. In the end it is the emotional bonds of love and friendship through which we are truly cherished and remembered while present in this life and after our passing. The family tree stuff... yeah, ok, genetic linkage or conversation piece, if you happen to have had a really famous ancestor. But after a generation or two, they too are otherwise forgotten.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're right Iris. There is a disconnect after generations. There are no guarantees that, had I had them, my children or grandchildren would have cherished the things I do. Still, the idea of it is, perhaps, more impactful than the reality... that they would have cared, would have valued, would have missed me when I'm gone. I know that that is all conjecture, but somehow the conjecture manages to override the logic sometimes. Sometimes I let it.

    ReplyDelete