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Friday, October 15, 2010

I sometimes wonder if, when I'm gone, anyone will give a damn that I ever existed. With no one left behind who belonged to me, came from me... no one who'll care about those little things I cherished. Will I have mattered at all?
Funny... just looked at my title of "childless does not mean less" -- it sure feels like it though. Who am I trying to convince? Hmmm.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I keep wondering whether it's ever going to get any easier.  I keep hoping, but it hasn't happened yet. Will this pain ever go away, subside? It's a pain so pervasive I sometimes feel like I'm drowning in it... like I can't breathe. Why does not having this feel like a loss? I've never had it, so why does it feel like a part of me has been ripped out?

Saturday, September 11, 2010

We all want something we can't have.
Gotta believe the pain will go away.
Couldn't cope if I didn't hold on to that hope.
So hard to let go of the dream.
Cling to the thought that somehow things will change.
That someday the pain will just go away.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

everywhere

I find it amazing how all encompassing the reality of undesired childlessness can be. Our society values family more than most anything else. I suppose it should...I just wish it wasn't constantly in my face. Advertisers target moms and dads; people's conversations revolve around their children; magazines and television shows cater to moms and moms to be. I don't want to be the center of the universe, but can I at least be included in it. My vote, my tax dollars, my purchases and my opinion are all just as valid as a breeders! Then why am I dismissed as a lesser part of society? This is not a rhetorical question... I really want to KNOW!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

No... I don't have kids....

Can you just leave it at that, or do I need to go into my life story?  I don't want to hear about all the options I have for acquiring a child.  I know about IVF, IUI, donor sperm, donor eggs, surrogates, adoption, fostering and making one out of wood! None of those are options for me (us)! Leave it alone, already!  The only acceptable answer is "Oh." Unless you know that I wanted to have kids, in which case it's "Oh, I'm sorry."

I also don't want to hear about how lucky I am not to have to deal with dirty diapers, midnight feedings, homework, tuition, car insurance...  This is not helpful! The truth is, I don't care about any of those things, and would  have GLADLY suffered through them for the chance to be a mother. But I wasn't given that chance. Smile and nod... and walk away or change the subject.

Inaugeral blog - Rantings of a childless woman!

Being childless in this intensely child-centered world is no picnic. That's the topic! What helps. What definitely doesn't. There's so much to say, so difficult to express sometimes. But, I'll do my best!